


The Carer

by BlindedKnight



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Androids, Chronic Pain, Detroit: Become Human - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-05-28 00:50:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 20,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15037055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlindedKnight/pseuds/BlindedKnight
Summary: Eight years after what had been planned as a peaceful protest turned into a horrific riot left John Smith to become a drunken recluse with severe chronic pain that binds him to a wheelchair. After years of taking care of his destructive behavior his ex-wife Missy decides to buy an android to hopefully change his way of life. (Set in the Detroit: Become Human video game universe)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New fic time. Pardon as I'm still going to be slowly putting chapters out again. Hope everyone enjoys!

John groaned burying his face into the pillow further as Missy's shrill voice sing songed his name from the downstairs foyer waking him from his deep sleep. Looking in the direction of the alarm clock he eagerly grabbed an almost full scotch glass that blocked his ability to read the time on it. As his eyes worked on focusing on the alarm clock the light shining in through the windows gave notice that it was morning. He downed the glass in his hand as it would at least get him through this horrible morning.

“Ach fuck off Melissa it's,” he coughed as the scotch burned his throat then looked to the alarm clock again, “10:15 in the morning. I'm still fucking alive.” As he started to bury his face back into the pillow he looked to the clock once again seeing what day of the week it was, “it's also fucking Monday, you just bothered me two days ago.”

Missy spoke something that he was unable hear before walking up the wooden steps and a few steps into the hall to stand in the open doorway to his bedroom. She pursed her lips as she saw him in bed his silver curls were all over the place and his face working on becoming a beard, “No it's been over a week. Which I see you haven't bothered with getting out of bed in an attempt of becoming a normal human being from our last discussion.”

John slowly worked on rolling his body over so he was now on his back and propped himself on his elbows so he could glare towards her. He rolled his eyes as he saw she was still in the same style suit she always wore to the office, “I see you still haven't bothered with changing your wardrobe in the past twenty years either. I at least get up to take a nice piss every now and then and put on pants when the driver comes with my food.”

Missy entered and scoffed picking up one of the many alcohol bottles strewn around the night stand, “you mean taking the piss and when the hooker comes with your booze. Johnathan we have had this discussion before; you are a mess and I have had enough.”

He fell back into bed letting out a laugh, “well you can't divorce me again nor force me to do anything. I'm not dying and I'm still functional.” He smirked as a thought came in to toy with her hooker comment, “very functional from what Charlotte says.”

She quickly set the bottle back down with a thud, “partially functional. It's been eight years since the accident you would be walking again enjoying life without pain if you just do the therapy.”

He sat up once more glaring towards her, “I am enjoying life. Here at home when you're not bothering me. Now excuse me I have to piss.” Throwing the bed sheet away from his boxer and t-shirt clad body he started to slowly move a leg to get out of bed but winced when the pain flared up. He frowned when he heard her scoff as he used his hands to manually moved his legs one by one over the edge of the bed. He looked up as he heard a second set of foot steps walk up the stairs causing Missy to walk out.

Missy huffed looking annoyed to whomever was on the stairs, “I told you to wait downstairs.”

A female voice bluntly replied, “You brought me here to help Johnathan. I'm just doing what is asked.”

John sighed as he could tell who was in the house with them, “I don't need an android either.” After some struggling to place himself into his wheelchair he moved towards the door peering around the corner. The android was a short brown haired girl dressed in standard android attire of a black and white uniform with the required blue armband and led circle on her right temple.

Missy started to speak before the android stepped up onto the floor and spoke up, “I am a care giver Johnathan. I am here to tend to house duties and to assist you on your needs.” She looked to Missy, “Ms. Saxon please move out of the way so Johnathan can use the facilities.”

John shook his head as he started to wheel himself out of the room regardless of where Missy was standing, “she's too short.”

Missy moved out of the way to let John by, “She's quite useful.”

“A case of more booze would have been more useful than her,” John huffed as he started to wheel himself down the hall before the android took hold of the chair. “Hey!”

He swore he could hear a slight perturbed stress to her voice as she spoke, “My name is Clara and my height does not hinder my ability to assist you Johnathan.”

John took hold of the arms of his chair as it had been so long since someone had helped him move, “It's John and next time ask. I can also do everything myself I don't need your help.”

Missy smirked as she watched them interact with each other, “at least you're not yelling at it.”

“Because androids are coded to actually listen unlike you. Here,” he pointed to the bathroom, “I can handle myself.”

Clara positioned John in the bathroom so he could easily maneuver before she stepped back out and closed the door, “please let me know if you do need assistance.”

John took hold of the wheels of his chair to turn himself so he could shift himself around but gave a quick pause as a thought entered, “ actually yes please tell Melissa to leave as I'm becoming agitated by her presence.”

Clara went over to Missy who was glaring towards the now closed bathroom door, “Ms. Saxon please do as John has asked. I am authorized to call the authorities if he requests your immediate removal.”

Missy gasped, rushing over to the bathroom door pounding on it as she heard John laughing, “how dare you!”

After few hacking coughs from the heavy laughter he was doing John spoke up, “No, no don't call the police on her Clara. I'm just messing with her.”

Clara tilted her head and walked over to the door, “do you not wish her to leave?”

“Oh I would like her to leave. I'm not truly being agitated by her presence. I just was reminding her how a carer works.”

Missy huffed, “that is not funny Johnathan!”

After moving himself back into the chair after using the loo he opened the door seeing the two women staring at him , “maybe not for you but it was for me.”

Clara spoke up, “would you like me to make breakfast?”

Missy laughed, “if he only had food in the house.”

John glared back at Missy, “now I really would like you to leave. The both of you.”

Missy sighed, “John please I'll leave and not come back only if you keep Clara.”

He eyed Clara as he rolled the thought around his head how it would be nice to not be woken up at ungodly hours and to actually have something better than takeaway. He looked back to Missy as he rolled out into the hall, “if she wants to stay she can but I'm not paying for her.”

“I don't understand why you treat them like humans. It's a machine. A very expensive one at that.”

“Because they have thoughts and feelings. We practically went back into the dark ages of slavery with them.”

Clara spoke up, “It was mentioned I can be classed as medical necessity to which Johnathan's medical coverage can handle most of the cost.”

John shook his head, “no I am not treating you like a machine or a medical necessity. You don't want to take care of me anyway.”

Clara smiled softly, “But I am an android and I would very much like to stay to help take care of you.” She crouched slightly starting to put her hand on his arm to comfort him but he quickly pulled it away.

John softly spoke as he clung his arm close to his body, “Don't... I don't want to be touched.”

Missy cleared her throat to get herself back into the conversation, “Alright I think it's time you go back into bed. I need to speak with Clara before I head out.”

John nodded, “good idea.”

 

 

Missy sighed and looked to the small android as they stopped back in the foyer of the house, “I will be contacting you for updates. Please clean up the house, feed him proper food and anything else you think he needs.”

Clara nodded, “I have also sent in the request to help with the cost.”

Missy smirked, “thank you. Though he's still not going to like it."

“Ms. Saxon before you go. Why does he not like to be touched?”

Missy frowned, “look up the android freedom riot from eight years ago. You'll understand or at least I hope you will.” Missy looked up the stairs as John had very clearly shouted out in pain moving himself back into bed. Sighing she looked to Clara who was about to make her way up the stairs, “he's a very stubborn man even before everything happened. I would like to see him better.”

Clara turned and nodded once more to Missy as she started out the door, “I will do my best.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Clara stood at the top of the stairs staring down the hallway as she processed all the articles on the android freedom riot after connecting to the city intranet. As androids could easily do exaflops of data calculation she had only paused for that moment to allow her to read all the information before continuing to help John.

 

The riot started as a peaceful protest against the Androids Act that was due to be decided on in 2029. CyberLife insisted that replicating a natural human look and feel of their products was necessary for people to be comfortable engaging and work along side them. Androids were available for purchase for commercial and private use causing problems telling between human and android when they went out for errands. Thus the law formed to clearly distinguish androids from humans with specific requirements place. A uniform that fit to their job that marked that they were an android with their model number, a blue arm band on their left arm and an small circular LED ring on the right temple that doubles as a visual feedback component of their physical and mental state.

The law also marked androids to no legal rights as humans as their creation was to be a tool to help humans live easier. This would allow companies to circumvent laws that were made to protect people; such as anti-prostitution and labor laws. Many voiced that the human race was retreating back into the days of slavery allowing the creation of these human replicant androids but not treating them like actual people.

As the protest gathered strength another group very outspoken against androids joined. They believed that all androids should be destroyed as companies were leaving people jobless as they replaced humans with android workers. Chaos erupted when punches started to be thrown and weapons were drawn as arguments went out of control. Dozens were injured, even more were seriously injured and a few killed by the viciousness of all the fighting. Nothing mentioned Johnathan by name outright but it was clear he was there and seriously hurt from it as Missy had told Clara to search for the riot.

 

Stepping into the bedroom Clara saw John laying on the floor clenching the bed sheets that was pulled off from the fall and was clearly in pain. The placement of the wheelchair that sat wheel locked next to him gave her an idea that he had attempted to use his legs to transfer himself from chair to bed. Needing to sort out if he had hurt himself further and wanting to help him into bed she crouched beside him, “you shouldn't have tried to walk John. Ms. Saxon told me you can not stand on your own.”

John's knuckles whitened as he clenched at the sheets further and panted through gritted teeth waiting for the pain to subside, “don't tell me what I can't do.”

“I don't want to see you hurt yourself further by ignoring what your body is telling you. Can you move?”

“Eventually,” he drew a deep breath in as it was clear he had been holding it to counteract the pain initially, “just need to let this pain pass. Find me some scotch would you? Drank everything in here.”

Clara frowned as he asked her for a drink, “I would not advise you having alcohol as a pain suppressant nor trying to hold your breath. You'll pass out. Is there any medication in the house?”

He opened his eyes to look at her and let out a small laugh, “If I did I wouldn't have to rely on a wheelchair or a fuckin' drink to keep myself functioning. Or passing out from holding my breath too long.”

The look in his eyes had her curious. She knew he was in pain from what her coding told her by looking at his grimacing body and the shout he had done earlier. It was the experience of seeing it for herself that had her attention. She struggled not to reach out to comfort him as he made the request for her not to. She started to think of how many times he had to go through this by himself over the course of eight years without the comfort of some one.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

She blinked realizing she had paused to look at his pained features in detail, “I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have.”

“It's like you haven't seen someone in pain before.”

“I haven't. I've only been activated for 4 hours.”

He closed his eyes and sighed as his body was finally relaxing as the pain was slowly becoming tolerable for him,“Right...stupid me.” His hands regained their color as he flexed the stiffness out of his fingers then pulled the bed sheet up to cover himself, “Well if you're not going to be me a drink then can I have a pillow or three? I'm not going to be moving for a while.”

Clara frowned, “You're not sleeping on the floor.”

“You're not touching me.”

“Is it the physical contact with flesh that is the issue? I can deactivate my --”

John's eyes shot open glaring towards her making sure she was not attempting to touch him and angrily spoke, “I'm just tired of everyone. Tired of hearing how they want to help me get better.” He winced as the pain surged up once more, “Especially when the pain is still the same.”

“But _I am_ here to help you.”

“You were bought to help me against my will.”

“You did agree to having me here.”

“Only to get rid of Melissa.”

“Which indicates you want or need help.”

He huffed clearly being annoyed by path the conversation was going, “We're just going to go in a big logical loop because your coding is going to prevent you from leaving me till I'm in bed and in a state that suits you.”

Clara gave a small smirk as she was amused he knew that she wasn't going to leave, “Yes.”

In a surprising move John rolled over facing the away from Clara speaking with a pained voice that told her it was painful for him to move, “good night then.”

“Johnathan,” she looked towards him with sad eyes, “I don't care if I was bought for you. I don't care if you don't want me here. You need someone other than empty bottles of alcohol.”

He leaned back to look at her groaning in disgust before turning back to stare underneath the bed, “great they updated the facial animation.”

“Ms. Saxon told me to look up the android freedom riot to understand what happened. The only thing I am questioning now is why would she buy an android for someone who hates them.” Standing up she spoke calmly but with a hint of hurt behind her voice before walking out of the room, “I'll continue onto my other duties that Ms. Saxon asked of me. Call me if you need anything.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

John laid sleeplessly on the floor staring at the mess that was in the space underneath his bed. It wasn't the pain of being on the floor that kept him awake. Nor even the mess. He had been on the floor plenty of times when his pride got the better of him. It happened frequently when he was drunk enough to forget about the pain or when he was tired of hearing Missy badger on about him still using the wheelchair. What bothered him was what the android currently shoveling bottles and takeaway boxes into the bin downstairs thought of him.

He couldn't understand why Clara believed he hated her or other androids. He just wanted to be left alone to do what he wanted to do. He also wanted the constant nagging pain to go away which was finally becoming tolerable. Rolling onto his other side he reached out towards his wheelchair with slightly shaking hands. It was nearing the time that his daily food order would arrive and that meant he would have to interact with Clara again.

With a bit of a struggle he pulled himself into the chair within moments of the doorbell quickly being rung a few times to signal that the delivery driver was there. Instinctively John grasped onto the wheels of his chair and moved himself out of the room to the top of the stairs to find Clara opening the door. He watched her and the delivery android who was holding a large tote bag clearly filled with his usual fare look to each other for a few moments. The LED on Clara's temple flickered showing they were wirelessly conversing with each other.

Clara turned slightly looking up to John, “Would you like me to take this?”

He replied sternly wishing there wasn't a stairway hindering him from the sweet relief that could be taken away from him, “Just don't touch anything in the bag and put it on the kitchen table.”

After behind handed the bag and closing the door she spoke while walking to the kitchen, “You're worried I'm going to hide the alcohol aren't you?”

Without replying John moved himself into place at the chair lift that took hold on his chair and went down the track placing him on the ground floor. He rolled to the kitchen with Clara placing the bag on the table and returning to the sink to finish the last of the dishes she was working on. Once at the table his shaking hands reached out and grabbed the neck of one of the four bottles of alcohol from the bag and eagerly opened it taking a large gulp of its contents. “Maybe and before you ask, no you're not handling what gets ordered. Suggest what needs to be changed and I'll do it.”

Clara rinsed the last dish and drained the sink before turning watching him take another drink from the bottle, “I assume I don't have to state facts on alcoholism.”

He sighed leaning back into his chair as the placebo effect of knowing he had alcohol was going off and was calming the shakiness of his hands, “Of course fucking not. Nor do you have to tell me that healing takes time and that I shouldn't have given up so quickly.”

“As I was not there I do not know how long you went for but it sounds like you did give up quickly.”

“You know what also happens when one is in hospital trying to heal during all that time? They think. A lot.” He grabbed the quickly cooling takeaway box placing it before himself and stared at it, “think about what I could have done differently to stop from having my legs demolished just because I believe androids should have the same rights as us.” He looked up to see Clara surprised and took another larger gulp from the bottle, “Why the fuck some asshole in a suit thinks androids should be treated like a non-human? Why don't you stand up for it?”

“But I'm not a human. I have no biological components. We're code and machinery. How would trials go when we do wrong? Could we even do wrong?”

“Coded to have thoughts and feelings like us. Wrongly think I hated androids.” He opened the box picking out a bit of food with his fingers and promptly stuffed it into his mouth, “To err is human. Also you have those stupid doe eyes they gave your face.”

Sighing Clara grabbed a clean fork from the drying rack and placed it in front of him, “It's my face you're going to have to accept it.”

John scoffed picking up the fork and waved it towards her, “yeah 'your face' is on thousands of other carers. Though why the hell did they make you so short?”

“I am unique to my model. Ms. Saxon requested it.”

“Of course she did,” he muttered shoveling a few more forkfuls of takeaway into his mouth.

She furrowed her brow and crossed her arms, “For someone that stated he really doesn't hate androids is once again contradicting himself.”

John looked up glaring to her and spoke with a mouth full of food, “because now I'm just an angry old man.”

Clara pulled out a nearby chair and sat down at the table, “why?”

Finishing the last bits of food he set the fork down and leaned back into his chair while taking another drink. “That's going to be something you're going to be asking a lot.”

“I would like to know now,” she pulled the bag further onto the table from him then took the bottle he was currently drinking from, “before I let you drink another drop.”

Glaring towards the android John pushed himself back like he was going to challenge her bluff but a thought came over him. It wasn't going to be her bluff but his and the both of them knew it would be him to give in. He needed to give her an answer but a non-answer at the same time with the hope she wouldn't attempt to keep the alcohol from him, “you're too young to understand.”

Clara blinked for a moment then smirked walking over to the drying rack to grab a glass and placed it onto the table in front of him. An statement of a non-answer with a non-drink. “Cute but not what I'm looking for.”

He slowly nodded bringing up his thumb to bite at the side of it as he thought. Could he live with trying to go without alcohol? The shakes and the more than possible trip to the hospital meant people would touch him. Which would piss him off and make everything worse. John looked towards Clara and exhaled before he spoke, “I'm an angry old man because I shut everyone out. Or at least try to.”

She poured a sizable amount into the glass, “Now for the repeat question: why?”

He pushed himself back to the table with Clara sitting down still holding onto the bottle. He looked at the glass and placed his hand on it eager to drink it so he could at least pass out before he had to answer anymore questions. His tolerance for the drink was unfortunately requiring more and more so he hoped the answer he would give would stop the questions, “because maybe I just don't want anyone to care about me. I don't want to be a burden.”

Clara smiled, “not a burden. Just someone that needs help.”

“Just help me get drunk.” He downed the glass and placed it near her to refill.

“I'd rather help you get better.”

He tapped the edge of the glass, “If you want to question me without hesitation just keep pouring.”

Her smile became wider, “I think my current tactic is working fine. Now why do you don't want anyone to touch you?”

“You should be able to figure that one out.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

“Listen this alcohol confessional might be great for the both of us but it's also pissing me off.”

“Johnathan I'm here to –”

He slammed his hands down onto the table, “give me the fucking scotch damn it!”

Clara stood up grabbing the bag with the rest of the bottles, “No.”

His hands started to shake even though he had drank a third of the bottle his body knew what it desired and it was angry at the one that was keeping it from him. He looked to Clara who stood there determined to get her answer but scared at the same time. With an angered groan, “because I just don't! I don't know why that when someone tries to touch me I reel back like I was just shocked! Happy?!”

Clara placed the items on the table and walked over to him turning off the nanotech that made up her skin revealing the solid white hand as she placed it on the table palm up near his, “touch me.”

John stared at her hand before he quickly grazed his hand against her fingers and pulled his hands up against him rubbing the spot that had touched her. His voice had changed it tone into a pained tone, “happy?”

Clara nodded and pushed the bottles towards him, “yes.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

After cleaning the second floor Clara sat in the living room chair nearby the sofa that John was laying on softly illuminated from the television that he had left on. She had to guess that he was either too drunk from drinking or didn't want to go upstairs while she was cleaning. Watching the muted television playing old series intermixed with breaks of current news briefs Clara was surprised to receive a call from Missy so late at night.

After getting the usual hellos out of the way Missy went for the usual question, _“So how was your first day?”_

Not to wake John Clara replied without physically speaking out like she had with the delivery android earlier, “I finished cleaning and had a altercation with John when I attempted to question him around the time his food service arrived.”

“ _Why did you question him?”_

“I had followed your suggestion about looking into the riots. While it helped with how he received his injuries I still could not understand his attitude. While not hostile he seemed negative to my presence and state of being. So I took away the bottles and coerced him to answer me.”

Missy gasped, _“I can't believe you did that. He didn't hurt you did he?”_

“No he just shouted. I believe he thought I was bluffing and attempted to go along with the non-existent bluff. He changed his mind because, to put it in his words, he wants to get drunk or I believe he wants to get better.”

“ _For years I tried after he shut himself down. Barely a full day and you do it.”_

“I'm someone he can't trick or expect to let my guard down Ms. Saxon.” Clara looked back over as she started to hear John murmur in his sleep looking as if he was going to wake up, “I apologize but I need to end the call John is possibly waking up.”

“ _Thank you Clara.”_

 

Clara watched him slowly writhe on the sofa for a moment clearly in an uncomfortable dream. She heard him gasp and roll onto his back clearly startled awake from whatever he dreamt about. His hand sleepily reached down to the floor feeling around till it hit the bottle that he had drank himself to sleep with. Picking it up he looked to its empty contents and muttered, “fuck.”

Clara stood up and quietly walked over to the sofa, “Johnathan?”

His quickly turned over and looked over the sofa arm startled by her voice, “Oh you.”

“I apologize for startling you.”

John sighed placing the bottle back onto the floor, “no I needed it.”

Clara tilted her head slightly confused on why he needed to be startled after waking up from a bad dream, “Why?”

“This will likely be the only time you'll get to ask me questions without me demanding alcohol.”

“So why did you reach for the bottle then?”

“Just a reflex. Everything's just a reflex anymore.” He rolled onto his back trying to get comfortable on the sofa that was clearly showing its age, “you're going to ask me about my dream that I just had so I will answer before it's even questioned. It wasn't a dream but a reliving of that day.”

“You don't seem too upset from reliving it anymore.”

“I have had it every night. I tried to act like it was something that I could get over it at first hoping the therapy would help.” He gently rubbed at his chest and sighed melancholy in thought, “but of course it didn't. At least to me it didn't. So I started to drink which helped in the sense that I got so fucking pissed that nothing fazed me.”

“Eventually the body builds a resistance.”

“Of course.” He looked around around the sofa searching, “now I just don't give a damn. Where's my chair?”

“I moved it behind you. I had a thought you might hurt yourself if you were to roll off the sofa.” She walked over taking hold of the chair handles pushing it around towards him, “I assume you need it?”

He shook his head, “just needed to know where it was.”

She rolled the chair back to where she had kept it and walked backed to where she had stood, “I cleaned the second floor to the best of my ability but there was a door that was locked.”

John sighed, “It'll stay that way.”

“What's behind it?”

“An old life.”

Clara thought about getting a chair from the kitchen table or even move the living room chair but didn't want to chance him closing up if she were to leave from his sight. She moved turning off the television on her way sittingdown on the floor between it and John, not too far but not too close that could make him uncomfortable. “Maybe we should open it back up?”

His eyes looked over her form as it sat on the worn wooden floor, “Too late and I'm too old for that anymore.”

“Never too late or too old.”

“Says the day old android.”

A smirk crossed her lips, “guess that is humanity's fault for programming us to be well experienced without the experience.”

“Quite.” His hand that had been softly rubbing at his chest slowly slip away and held it out towards Clara, “touch me.”

Her eyes widened in surprise at his softly shaking hand in front of her, “Johnathan are you okay?”

“Yes this is so I can have another bottle of scotch.” His lips formed a small smirk, “think of this as an apology for shouting at you. I shouldn't have.”

“Why not?”

“You're just trying to do what you're programmed to do and I'm an ass.” A small laugh came from him, “also right now I'm in between sober and drunk so enjoy the moment.”

Clara bit her lip as her hand slowly moved to his looking up when she heard him chuckle, “what's amusing?”

“You're definitely unique that's for sure.”

She let out a small laugh, “oh the lip biting. I'll stop.”

“No don't but hurry up before I change my mind.”

“Okay.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

John's fingers reflexively twitched as Clara's fingers barely touched the middle of his palm. His eyes went from watching her bite at her lip once more watching as she strategically touched his hand again. If he was honest to himself he would admit the facial movements Clara continued to do were about to make him laugh more than he did before. If he was even more honest to himself he would admit that he had missed a gentle touch. Even if the touch was currently only soft moments to make sure he wasn't uncomfortable. It was after a few more wary touches before Clara slowly grasped her hand onto his then looked to him in curiosity, “You're not getting shocked.”

John looked to their joined hands in disbelief his hand was holding someone else's once more. Even more that it was someone he had just met. “I just wanted you to give me the damn scotch but I knew why I hated being touched. Had enough doctors and nurses poking me with needles and running tests I just wanted out of that damned hospital. When I was finally released I just didn't enjoy being touched anymore. It was like a phantom feeling of a needle that ended being like a shock every time. Seems now I just pull away --”

“Out of reflex.” She softly smiled repeating the earlier statement he made that everything was just a reflex.

He inhaled as her fingers started to gently rub against his hand. The feeling sent a tingle through him, a feeling he hadn't felt in a while and it started to scare him forcing to pull his hand away, “and I think that's enough for now.”

“You seem to miss it.”

John let out a small laugh rubbing at his hand, “what makes you think that?”

Clara smiled softly, “your pulse slowed slightly till before you removed your hand.”

“Maybe my pulse slowed because I was trying to keep myself calm? Asking someone to touch them when they have an aversion is an easy way to get agitated.” He rolled away facing the back of the sofa wanting to remove himself from the conversation as he wished he hadn't asked her to touch him.

“Johnathan.” She stood up and walked around the sofa to keep eye contact with him, “you don't have to lie to me. Why talk to me and let me touch you? You are lonely. Ms Saxon saw that.”

John scoffed rolling over again trying to keep from having to look at her, “she's only tired of keeping tabs on me. Why keep wasting her time and energy popping in when she can spend money for an android?”

She moved back around making it clear she was going to continue to keep eye contact, “She's only trying to give you a normal life.”

With a heavy sigh he rolled onto his back looking up to the ceiling in defeat to what she was doing, “What is she expecting a normal life to be? Our views are very different.”

“What do you think a normal life is?”

John furrowed his brow slightly and looked to her, “What do _you_ think is a normal life?”

Clara tilted her head ever so slightly as if she was unprepared for the question being shot back to her. The LED on her temple turned to yellow and flashed as she thought for a moment before answering, “I can not properly answer that. Too many sources are giving different answers.”

“Exactly. For the longest time I knew what a normal life was till that day.” He slowly sat up shifting his legs off the sofa with his hands, “now for me this is normal.”

“But you're in pain. That shouldn't be normal.”

“I'm in pain when I only try to use my legs.” He sighed rubbing his face before running his hand through the mess of bed hair he had, “think I had enough of this extended therapist session. I'm tired.”

Clara sat down next to him, “would you like to try to sleep without drinking?”

John softly laughed, “you're really insistent on trying to get me to not drink.”

“The sooner you start now the easier it will be.”

“That's the same thing I thought when I started pushing people away.” He sighed, “I'd really not. Not right now.”

Clara slowly moved her hand over to his, softly trailing her fingers over the top of his hand before grasping onto it for a quick moment. “It's okay. Do you want to sleep in your bed or here again?”

“Bed with a drink.”

She stood up and brought the wheel chair around to him, “you go to bed and I'll bring the drink.”

John opened his mouth to ask for the drink first but knew the android would only say something to fight against his 8 year old drinking habit. “Only if you promise it will be there if I happen to fall asleep waiting for you.”

“Only if you promise you'll try to actually fall asleep and not wait for me to come up with a drink.”

He smirked, “there's no guarantee.”

She smirked back, “then there's no guarantee on your drink either.”

“Fair enough,” he grunted as he shifted himself into the chair. “Since you're going to stay here I would like it if you didn't wear those clothes or the arm band. I know you can't if you go out but I'm sure you know what to do.”

“I would need permission to use your account to make purchases.”

John nodded, “full access but I still want scotch to come in until I say so. Please.” He watched her nod then excuse herself to the kitchen to pour him a glass of scotch. After going upstairs and using the facilities he rolled into his bedroom seeing that everything had indeed been cleaned and his bed made. John also noticed that Clara had been upstairs while he was in the loo with his glass of scotch on the nightstand but she hadn't stayed.

Reaching for the glass he found himself stopping from grasping onto it. Not even a full day and he found himself questioning if he should keep drinking. All because his curiosity about the android in his house had his attention. How she reacted to him when he yelled and how cautious she was when he asked her to touch his hand. He wanted to learn more about her and why Missy chose her to be such a unique creation. With his mind now racing he knew he wasn't going to go to bed anytime soon, taking the drink in his hand and downed it completely with a slight pang of guilt that followed.

 


	6. Chapter 6

After laying in bed trying to go back asleep for the third time John decided to end the futile attempt at actually trying to get a full nights rest due to the fact it was now ten in the morning. The lack of a nightcap bottle of scotch was why his body was keeping him awake. It was fighting for control to get what he had put into it for so long. The craving for sweet drunken relief. He ran his shaking hands over his face to clear his head from the thoughts of drinking. “I don't need scotch. I can do this.” He exhaled as he stared up to the ceiling, “why the fuck am I trying to do this?”

“Because I asked you to.”

John flinched from Clara's sudden appearance at the door when he swore she wasn't there a moment ago, “Jesus! Don't do that please.”

Clara looked to him in confusion, “I thought you knew I was here. You were asking me a question.”

He looked towards her with a furrowed brow, “No, I was asking _myself_ a question. People talk to themselves out loud at times. Helps us think.” He went to look back away but realized that she was wearing different clothes and turned back, “when did you get those? I didn't hear the front door.”

“You must have been asleep. I requested them to notify me without knocking so I wouldn't wake you.” She turned around to show off the red flower button up top with black jean trousers she currently wore. “Are these okay?”

“You picked that out?”

As she finished turning around she smiled and clasped her hands behind her, “With some help.”

John 's eyes went wide and sat up on his elbows in the bed, “Don't tell me Missy helped.”

“No another android programmed to help with fashion choices. Why do you think Ms. Saxon helped?”

A soft nervous chuckle came out as he laid back down feeling somewhat dizzy from sitting up quickly, “Ah Missy and I, uh, grew up together. I was fond of a teacher in my teenage years which she brings up now and again to get a rise out of me. Used to get a rise out of me.” He nodded towards her, “You're sort of dressed like her.”

Clara smirked, “maybe you need a teacher again.”

John groaned, “If this is about being normal again we already had that discussion.”

“Teach you how to be your own way of normal without alcohol.” She softly smiled as she gently swayed where she stood, “Maybe even have you walking again.”

He sighed softly speaking, “That'd be a miracle.”

“A life without alcohol or walking again?”

“Walking..”

“Oh, speaking of. I attempted to go through your medical documents this morning to see what was done but I was blocked. What does CyberLife have to do with your medical records?”

He furrowed his brow in curiosity, “Why are you digging around my medical records? You could ask me.”

“Medical records give a more detailed idea of what could be wrong and I thought it rude to ask why your legs didn't work or why they hurt when you tried to use them when we first met.”

“So why didn't you last night or ask Missy directly?”

“Ms. Saxon believed I should find out on my own and I wanted you to be more comfortable with me.”

“Well I'm being civil so I think this is the best time.”

Clara softly smiled, “Would you like lunch?”

John looked to her for a moment processing the question she had asked him, “not the question I was expecting.”

“You haven't eaten properly in over fifteen hours. We can get to the questions later.”

“I should probably get decent finally. Been in a shirt and pants this whole time.”

She smirked, “it's your home, you do whatever you'd like.”

“Yes and I did it mostly to piss Missy off.” John grinned and started to work on sitting up, “it worked but we already went over how I wasn't expecting you for her final shove off.”

Clara walked over to John as she noticed him struggling with sitting up, “John?”

“I'm fine. Just shaking like mad.”

“You should lay back down, I'll bring something up.”

“I'm fine!” He knew he was less than fine as he struggled with his arms shaking more than normal. The last time he tried to actually stop drinking he was at least sane to eat more than just a box of takeaway the night before to keep his energy up.

“Johnathan...”

“I've already done this before with some luck of not actually taking myself out.” He laughed at himself as he was thinking about that luck as he wasn't purposefully trying to use withdraw symptoms to off himself now.

Clara gently pressed a hand against his shoulder pushing him into laying back down, “lay back down and I'll bring up the sandwich I made.”

John looked up and saw the worry in her eyes, which was much more stronger than his own worry he was trying to ignore, “I'm fine.”

“You keep saying that. Have you developed a fault?”

John laid back down and started to chuckle at what she had questioned him with. It had taken him by surprise, which he could only guess was her intention to make him actually give up trying to sit up, “No, no, I'm fine. No faults. Though you got me laying back down again.”

She smiled, “good.”

“What kind of sandwich did you make?”

“Turkey with tomato, lettuce and a light topping of mayonnaise.”

His stomach gurgled in hunger once she named off what the sandwich was, “alright you have someones attention. I'll wait.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

It was day three of Johns abstinence from alcohol. The previous day Clara had to deal with him reverting back into isolation and an increasing agitation against everything that she tried to do for him. She knew it was going to get worse but she was actually hoping it wouldn't. A commotion from upstairs drew her attention as she worked on making lunch for the day. She readied herself for what was to come as she listened and waited for the noise to end. His door was closed finding that his wheelchair was overturned against it after she was able to push a wide enough opening to get through. “John?”

The mass of duvet and sheets shivered and shifted as he huddled more underneath his voice wavering, “go away.”

“I need to make sure you're okay. I heard some noise and your chair is on its side.” She slowly pulled the duvet back revealing a pale and sweat covered John who had his heavily shaking hands covering his face. Her fingertips softly grazed the back of his hand and trailed to his forearm taking hold of it so she could get vitals from him. Clara had only looked up for a moment before she felt his hand move away and heard a gasp from him.

John's voice shook more as he spoke, “I-I know you...”

She saw the look of his red tearful eyes that looked through the gap of his fingers. It wasn't pain this time but fear. His vitals were all in a dangerous place and she had to only guess he was in a state of confusion by his question. Clara knew he didn't want to be in hospital but she had no choice but to keep him calm while she contacted them in secret, “Yes, you do.”

“But you died.”

Clara crouched down and looked at him curiosity, “Died? John nothing has happened to me.”

“The riot, some pudding brain hit you over the head with something and you were bleeding.” His hand reached out letting his fingertips graze at her forehead as if he was still seeing the blood, “I-I'm going to do everything to protect you.”

“Shhhh, John it's okay,” she smoothed his hair back to console him as he started to weep. _Only 10 more minutes we can do this,_ she thought.

John swallowed a few times as he came out of the fog of the memory he relived, “I-it's bad isn't it?”

She nodded as she pulled away to not startle him by her touch, “I called emergency services already. If you don't want to do this I can call them off.”

He quickly took hold of her hand squeezing at it tightly, “t-think I've changed my mind, I don't think I could die alone.”

She brought her other hand back to smoothing his hair, “what about living alone?”

He closed his eyes and softly spoke, “I don't think I could do that anymore either.”

 

 

\------------------------------------------

 

 

Clara stood frustrated at the android parking kiosk, a small transparent glass awning that only serves more like a billboard than a proper protection against the elements, as she was being soaked from the sudden pouring rain. She had tried to explain that she needed to stay with John to help keep his anxiety down from the hospital setting. Regardless she had been escorted out by human security guards just because she had to have another human with her.

Luckily she had a savior from the elements as Melissa soon phoned, “ _Where are you?_ ”

“South west android parking. I was forced here because there was no other humans with me. And it's raining.”

“Luckily I was already nearby and with an umbrella.” Melissa smirked as she came around the corner ending the call and shifted over the umbrella she held so Clara could join her, “I really wish they do better with these parking things you're soaked.”

Clara wrung out the water in her hair the best she could as they walked towards the hospital, “Have you been inside?”

She nodded, “they've sedated him.”

As they walked down the halls of the hospital Clara wanted more information to what had happened at the riot. Especially when John had said she had died. “Ms. Saxon, Johnathan had said in a state of delirium that I had died. That he was protecting me during the riot. My uptime clock reports I have only been activated since you purchased me. Had I been reset?”

“No, no, dear. As you said it was delirium but he did do that during the riot. Protected someone who had been attacked.”

“Before they started to attacked him.”

“Quite.”

“So why does he have artificial legs then?”

Missy looked to Clara in surprise and pulled her into an dead end hall way hushing her voice, “he finally told you?”

Clara shook her head, “I went digging into his medical file but CyberLife had blocked me from full access. Logical conclusion further confirmed by your question.”

“Ah yes, of course.” Missy smirked enjoying that Clara had come to the conclusion herself. “Well even with the near clean room quality of hospitals these days he had gained a serious infection. CyberLife saw it as a prime opportunity to test their new prosthetic line since organ replacements were doing so well.”

Clara tilted her head, “an infection in both legs?”

“Just the one but he was going to be living with limited mobility as it was. So he decided to risk it and amputate both legs so he could live a normal life again.”

 _Living a normal life_ , the small discussion they had talked about a few days ago. That's all he had wanted but it didn't go to plan and Clara was going to find out why. “Something went wrong didn't it? I can not find anything in the news plus I assume that is why the medical records were blocked.”

Missy nodded, “the prosthesis were perfect, everything worked perfectly except for the way John's body handled the information from them. They were meant as a total replacement as if never had lost your legs.”

“You're a solicitor for CyberLife. Can you get me access to his files?”

Missy bit at her lip looking at the small android with concern, “sweetheart I don't know if I can unlock those documents especially for you. I just handle silly little arbitrations. I couldn't even handle the lawsuit that took place because of a conflict of interest. I worked for CyberLife and was married to Johnathan.”

Clara nodded, “I understand Ms. Saxon. I just want to help John.”

She smiled, “I know and you're doing a fine job. Let's get you into his room.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is placed eight years before the main story events... give more back story and mystery to everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for all the comments! I forgot to mention these last few chapters (partly due to embarrassment) that I have a tumblr page look for 'theblindedknight'. I mainly repost a lot of Peter Capaldi/Twelve posts and more and I try to remember to post my chapter updates too.

_**8 years ago...** _

 

John glared towards the sidewalk holding the phone to his ear as Missy ranted towards him about being at the protest that was gathering nearby. _“John you know you can get fired. Hell you could probably get me fired because I didn't stop you if you keep this up. One of many CyberLife's legal counsel letting their husband go to protests for android rights.”_

He groaned, “Melissa you know full well what this means. Forced armbands and markings; it'll be like the holocaust all over again.”

“ _They're machines John. They're built for a purpose and they do it till they break down or we don't need them anymore. They need to be marked so we don't confuse them with real people.”_

“Then why the fuck did we make them fucking human Melissa?!” He looked around at the other protesters nearby looking towards him as he shouted making him feel a bit sheepish at his outburst in public.

“ _I don't know, Mr. Programmer, why did you?"_

He sighed and spoke with a hushed voice, “I was just doing my job.”

“ _Exactly and they're just doing theirs. And the bunch of uptight lawyers are creating laws as to protect them and us.”_

He scoffed, “you do remember that 15 years ago you were fighting for shit like this too? Because you disagreed about the laws those 'uptight lawyers' were trying to push just because you're seen as different.”

Missy growled, _“That was different John. They were trying to erase us.”_

“So you got what you wanted and now you don't care about anyone elses rights because they're different?”

“ _Not when they're just a bunch of wires and code and are mass produced.”_

John groaned in frustration, “Melissa I love you but we need to argue about this when I get home and not on the phone.” He pulled the phone away ending the call, silencing his phone and stuffing it into his pocket. Turning to finally join the medium sized group of protesters he jumped seeing a short brunette haired woman suddenly in front of him.

She laughed almost grasping onto his arms to make sure he didn't fall over, “Oh I'm sorry to startle you! Are you alright?”

He chuckled along with her embarrassment after he caught his breath from the scare, “Yeah. Sorry for my outburst on the phone.”

She smiled, “someone doesn't want you to be here?”

“My wife. Thinks it'll cost me my job.”

She made a face in confusion, “Why? Where do you work?”

John looked to her, he had hardly shared his profession before just because of the various but usually negative reactions he received. But he was protesting with a group that was for android rights and he took a chance he'd get a better reaction this time. “CyberLife.”

“Wow,” she looked at him wide-eyed, “I could see something like sales people protesting but you; you seem to be the only one.”

He nodded, “We were threatened with termination if we were to protest. I'd rather lose my job doing what's right than sit and watch this madness.”

She smiled and held out her hand, “glad to meet you.”

John gently shook her hand, “So speaking of jobs what do you do?”

“Teacher.” She chuckled at his smirk that formed, “what?”

“Missy always joked that I always find the teachers. That my boyhood fondness never went away.”

“Maybe she's just jealous that a teacher might steal you away.”

He laughed and shook his head, “she's a solicitor, she doesn't have to be jealous just manipulative in court.”

“Hopefully she isn't holding that over your head if you ever thought about a divorce.”

A soft smile formed on his lips as he talked about Missy, “she jokes but no. He was my best friend growing up. Well we were our own only besties growing up. Don't know how it would be without him.”

The woman gave him an odd look, “did I hear that right, him?”

“OH! I didn't realize I was saying him.” He smirked, “but yes was a him.”

”Now I can understand why you're upset at her.”

John nodded, “we both went through all that and she thinks they shouldn't be treated like us. Though she's in a way right. They are machines built for a purpose but we gave them the ability to react and to feel. It's just a matter of time -” He noticed another group walk down the sidewalk on the other side of the street with signs that made his stomach drop, “Oh great.”

“What is it?” She turned around to look at what he was staring at.

“Those anti-android pudding brains. I just hope they don't start anything.”

She turned back around with a worried look on her face, “Me too. They've been getting violent a lot lately.”

“Well stick with me I'll protect you if anything happens.”

“Glad to know I'll have a stick insect by my side.”

He let out a laugh, “you'd be amazed what I can do. I know some weird form of Akido.”

She smirked, “I hope I get to see that.”

“Well I hope we don't today.”

 

\-----------------------------------

 

John rushed around trying to find his new found friend in the mass chaos that erupted soon after the anti-android group ran across the street. They had only properly protested for 15 minutes before they heard the shouts from the other side. He scrambled towards her dazed form sitting on the sidewalk holding her hand against the bleeding gash on her forehead, “Oh, oh god sweetheart.”

“My head...”

“No, no don't move. I'm going to do everything I can to protect you.” He frowned looking at her face even closer as she cried, “Especially so you can tell me how your eyes inflate like that.”

She weakly laughed, “Okay.”

“What's wrong?” He saw her eyes go wide before noticing a shadow over the both of them. He looked up at the small group of angry men wielding metal pipes and other items before everything went to darkness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story notes: I made Missy a trans-woman character basically to follow her character in the actual show (how she changed genders and how the doctor changed her mind on subjects (maybe possibly done in this story too)) 
> 
> In World Enough and Time, Bill and the Doctor talk about her and he does in fact change pronouns between he/she when reliving the memories about themselves growing up. I again copy that here.
> 
> I intentionally left out Claras name for a reason.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments! I seem to be easily pushing out chapters for now but that can always change.

_That damn dream again. I can always see her, hear her voice and see what happened but when I wake up it's gone. I know she's there but why do I forget?_ John mentally poked his brain trying to dig for the woman that had disappeared from his memory. He took a deep breath and exhaled as he finally felt the real world come into focus with the soft and steady beep from the monitors hooked up to him. Looking around the room his eyes focused on Clara standing next to the window staring outwards with an orange sky lighting up the grey clouds.

A smile crept onto his face as he watched her slowly tilt her head and then bring up her hand to the window, her fingertips barely touching the glass as they trailed after the water droplets that were running down from the rain. So much curiosity in something that knows how the world worked and it fascinated him.

Clara turned towards him, his heart monitor giving him away as finally being awake as it beeped faster, with a soft smile forming on her lips, “hello.”

He blushed as the heart monitor sped up in beeps as he was about to say hello back, “and this is also why I hate hospitals, I practically have a lie detector attached to me.”

Clara turned and clasped her hands in front of her still smiling towards John, “I knew you were already awake. For a while now in fact.”

“How long was I out?”

“Almost a day.” She walked over and gently took hold of his hand, “how are you feeling?”

Oh how he wanted to turn off the heart monitor as he was annoyed by the fastening beeping that Clara was causing just by gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. Swallowing trying to calm himself down he answered, “Like a bus hit me.”

“You weren't hit by a bus.”

John chuckled, “no just an over-exaggeration on how I'm feeling.”

Clara looked away slightly embarrassed, “Oh, right.”

“Was Missy here?”

She nodded, “Yesterday, yes. I had asked if she could unblock your medical files for me.”

“I'd be amazed if she can.”

“Even if she can not I did have a discussion with the doctor about your legs. Granted he did not seem to be amused with my suggestions.”

John smiled, happy that she had figured out what he had been keeping from her even though he shouldn't had, “Well I'm up now so I can push the subject more.”

“Also to stop the nurses from trying to force me out.”

His smile quickly turned into a frown, “What? Why?”

“I have to have someone with me while visiting. Ms Saxon got me inside, I've been having to hide after she left.”

John shook his head knowing that she would eventually be caught. He couldn't let that happen in case some form of punishment would be dealt to her, “maybe you should go home.”

“And let you have another bad experience while in hospital? No, I want to stay here so you can feel safe.”

Missy popped her head inside after sharply knocking at the door, “Oh good you're awake.”

Clara tilted her head slightly in surprise to Missy's presence, “Ms. Saxon, I am surprised to see you back so soon. I was expecting you to call or to come by later in the day.”

She walked with a small smirk on her lips, “I thought I would come by say it myself. When I asked about unlocking the medical records they told me it was a term of the settlement.”

John frowned as he tried to remember but it was all a blur, “I don't remember anything about them locking my medical records.”

“Because you pretty much weren't giving a fuck as you were a year into your 8 year alcohol bender.”

He groaned pushing his head back into the pillows, “Should I hope that you didn't take advantage of me when we divorced?”

Missy leaned in smirking towards him, “what makes you think I didn't?”

John nodded. He knew he was an ass to her, he had wanted her to get out of his life so he wouldn't be missed. “Of course. Rightly so.”

Clara frowned, “Ms. Saxon I don't think this is the right time to test Johnathan's emotions.”

“No of course not but I think I need a little payback for what I was subjected to.”

“Ms. Saxon you divorced him I believe that is enough 'payback' for whatever he had done to you. He wants to be sober now.”

“I tried my hardest to keep you from burying yourself deeper in that pile of bottles.” Missy looked up and glared towards Clara, “Seems I knew the answer on what keeps you going.”

John looked at Missy with confusion, “what's that supposed to mean?!”

Suddenly a nurse walked in with a upset look on her face, “What's going on in here?”

Missy turned around speaking before John could utter anything, “sorry we're just having a bit of a conversation.”

The nurse glared, “Well I believe the conversation is over his monitor was starting to alert the desk. If you and the android can leave please. Come back another day.”

John frowned, “couldn't Clara stay please? Missy was the one causing this.”

The nurse shook her head, “I'm sorry Mr. Smith but it's against protocol, regardless if she assists you in a medical fashion.”

He looked up towards Clara, who was giving him a reassuring smile, “go home. I'll try to be fine.”

Clara looked to the nurse as she started to follow Missy out of the room, “please listen to him if he says something bothers him.”

She rolled her eyes, “yeah whatever.”

John glared as the nurse looked back to him as she started to make sure he was okay, “you will do as she asked. Just because she isn't human doesn't mean she doesn't know how I should be treated.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that there was a delay I was burying myself in another project that I finished just the other day. Thank you all for the wait!

Clara stood in the android compartment, located in the back of the bus, as it took its route that led towards home. Ms. Saxon had not bothered to ask if she wanted a ride but with the way her mannerisms were Clara was certain she was upset. She replayed the moments over and over again trying to understand why her mood had turned sour against John. Was Ms. Saxon jealous of her? _'Seems I knew the answer on what keeps you going'_ , what did she mean by that? Why did John see her as someone that had died during his delirium? Was the woman who died someone like her or someone else?

Questions upon questions filled her mind almost making her forget the upcoming stop she had to get off at. Stepping inside the house after a small walk from the bus stop Clara hung up her jacket and walked to the living room sitting down in the middle of the sofa. Looking to the television she turned it on via remote, navigated to YouTube and started her search for videos taken of the protest turned riot. As she could have easily navigated the videos on her own systems she decided to take it slow as she had an empty house to herself and a lot of time before John would be released from the hospital.

Of course it would take a lot of time to find the video when the keywords brought forth a slew of shaky camera phone videos at various angles and time points of the riot. Luckily the shaky videos could be dealt with using the stabilizing setting on the website. The videos at different angles could also be filtered out through their screen shots once it was established where they were taken at compared to where John was. It was then compiling everything together to get the right videos at the right time. She had to find John and this mysterious woman.

After 5 hours of searching she had found plenty of video with John in them when the violence started. Trying the find the woman on the other hand was proving difficult as other people were in the way or the video cut right before there was a clear view. So far what Clara could see was that their hair color and height were the same. Which started to concern her. Had Missy lied to her about her systems been reset? Was she made in the image of the woman John was trying to save? Why would she be made in the image of a woman who died? Why did John forget her? Was he forced to forget? Or did he purposely forget?

As Clara sat and thought over the questions the next video that was in the massive list played. It was one of the rare videos the site had kept from the anti-android group and it was a decently long one. The usual chatter of the group to rile themselves up went on in the background with the camera owner's voice prominently louder than the others. The footage was fairly stable till it seemed that something had his attention.

 

“ _What was that?_ ” The camera man asked.

Another male voice came up almost beside the camera, _“I said there's a guy being real friendly with an android over there.”_

“ _Which one is it?”_

“ _The short teacher like one.”_

“ _Really? This one?”_ The camera man asked as he zoomed onto where John was and to the surprise of who he was talking to. It was her. Or another android model of the same form. But it couldn't have been another of her. She was unique Missy had said so.

The other voice spoke up once more, _“would be a shame if something were to happen to it. It's quite unique.”_

The camera man laughed, _“That would be a shame. Give me a hundred if I film it?”_

“ _Sure why not?”_

 

Clara fast forwarded the video watching in horror as the camera man filmed the violence as it unfolded. She stopped fast forwarding the video after the camera was desperately trying to get through the small mob it was focused on.

“ _No! Don't hurt her!”_ John desperately yelled trying to shield himself from the mob that surrounded him. His hands were covered in blue blood, a substance that courses through an androids body just like a humans.

“ _People not good enough for you?! Gotta fuck this thing?!”_ A member of the mob angrily questioned him.

“ _What?! No!”_

Clara gasped as the mob pounced onto John and her damaged predecessor not caring that they were hurting another human, just that they were destroying something they saw was damaging their livelihoods.

 

 

Till everything went black.

 

 

 

Missy sighed as she took the remote from a shutdown Clara and stopped the video, “Oh dear, I was sure I had that video taken down. Maybe I should have paid that camera guy his $100.” She looked to the technician, that she had brought along, seat themselves down next to Clara and plugged their laptop into a port located on the back of her neck. “Reset it to where it believes she went home after the hospital kicked her out.” She handed the technician a USB key, “also upload this audio and replace it with the call she did receive. Don't want to tamper too much. John did something that gave it redundancies.”

The technician looked up with a confused look as they took the USB stick, “Ms. Saxon why are we doing this? This thing is a deviant and it should have been disposed of. Not secretly repair it, returned to the owner and then tamper with it again.”

Missy glared towards the technician, “Because CyberLife has finally figured out a fix to his prosthetics and he can't be an alcoholic and do the surgery. Plus I really hated being his minder because he refused to listen to me anymore. I doubt CyberLife will have any problem with my choice to go this route.”

“I still think I'm going to lose my job over this.”

“Yet here we are. Now fix it.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. I got sidetracked again!

John slowly opened his eyes as he came back to consciousness. His head hurt, his throat hurt, his back hurt and his stomach was upset. The last time he felt like that he had surgery that turned his life into a living hell or one of the few times he tried to drink himself to death. He groaned softly as the recognition of florescent lights and the sound of a heart monitor beep coming into existence confirmed it all. He had been in surgery again.

“I hope this was to put my old legs back on.” John coughed after forcing himself to be loud enough to whomever was in the room. He had hoped someone was in the room because a glass of water was something he was craving.

Missy scoffed, “That would be hard to do since they've rotted away by now.”

He frowned looking at an equally frowning Missy sitting in the corner of the room, “so what was the point of all this? Not get me to attempt to sober up to only land myself in hospital and surprise me with fuckin' surgery again.” He coughed again his voice clearly hoarse from the tube that was in his throat during the surgery.

Missy rolled her eyes as she stood up, going to the nearby sink and bringing him a small cup of water, “then it would had been a waste seeing if you'd actually walk again. They fixed the communication between you and your legs.”

John blinked towards her a few times as the last remnants of anesthetic were in his system trying to draw him back into a slumber. He couldn't have heard what he heard, “What?”

Missy sat the cup on the table near by then paused before putting her fingertips on the side of the bed like she almost wanted to take his hand, “It's why I've been trying to get you sober for three years.”

“Well my hopes hadn't been high. Especially on the chance I'm caused more pain.” He frowned and looked around trying to find Clara, “where's Clara?”

“She was kicked out after the ambulance brought you here.”

“I-I could have sworn she was here.” He tried so hard to recall the memory but all he could recall was rain, “Watching the rain. I think, maybe.”

“You've been delirious Johnathan.” A soft smile crept over her lips as she handed the cup to him finally, “and sedated. So just all your imagination.”

He sighed, taking a sip of water from the offered cup and shifted in bed feeling resistance as he tried to move his legs. They were very much there as he felt them tug at the connection point but they were just dead weight. “So much for fixing my legs they aren't working.”

“Because they're disabled for right now. The doctors want everything to heal before even thinking about walking out of this hospital.”

“Well I'll just fall out of bed, crawl to a chair and wheel myself out then. I've done that plenty of times. It's a great workout by the way.”

Missy glared, “I sorted it out with administration to be able to have Clara here with you.”

He glared at Missy knowing she was telling him that to keep in the hospital, “Good she can wheel me out then.”

“After you do physical therapy and the hospital properly releases you.”

“CyberLife wants to show off that it works don't they?”

“Yes.” She pursed her lips as she saw his sour look becoming angrier, “it's another part of settlement. They would do everything to fix the error and you would become a model to their new line of _working_ prosthesis.”

“You mean guinea pig to show off that it's not dead and can actually work and their investors can finally make money once more.”

“John.” She glared as watched him work at the railing of the bed trying to get it down so he could get out of bed.

“When's Clara going to be here?”

“Tomorrow morning.” Missy grabbed his arm to stop him from getting out of bed, “only if you behave and try not to leave. She will continue to stay with you.”

“I'm not a child.” He looked back at her with a fierce look, “and you're sure as hell not my mother.”

“No but you've been acting like one ever since the accident.”

“Maybe if I didn't have people break my legs because I loved her.” He spouted out the words suddenly then looked to Missy in surprise. Why did he say that? Why was Melissa now trying to hide the very infuriated look she had given him?

“What did you say?” Missy worked out a very attempted calm question but it was very clear she was upset.

“I said maybe if I didn't have my legs... broken...” John trailed off like had forgotten what he had said staring at the wall for a moment before looking at her again. “If I didn't have my legs broken into a million pieces I wouldn't be acting like a child.”

“Well I've been working with CyberLife to get them to fix that and here we are. So please, stay in bed.” Melissa put on a frown, “for me. So you can walk for Clara if nothing else.”

John sighed and laid back in the bed nodding, “alright. For Clara.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I am so sorry on the delay on this chapter! Distractions everywhere! Thank you all that are all eager to read more.

It was very apparent to Clara that John was not in the mood to be in the hospital anymore. He was even more upset when the nurses came to check up on him, give him his meals and all the other necessities. She was curious why he wasn't excited to use his legs again after all the pain he had gone through. One of the many new things that Clara noticed John do as they spent their time together in an unnerving quiet was to read and make comments on the news of the past few years. When Clara attempted to ask him questions he seemed withdrawn like something had happened before she arrived.

A knock on the door and the white lab coated doctor came in with a smile on his face and a small device box in his hands, “Good morning Mr. Smith.”

John lowered the tablet he was reading from and glared towards the chipper doctor, “It won't be till you let me out of here.”

“Well today will say how much longer you will spend here.”

“Good I hope it's today.”

“If only that could happen. We do need to do some therapy to get you situated with their use.” The doctor chuckled a little at the joke that popped into his head, “to be up and running, in a matter of speaking.”

John narrowed his eyes even further at the poor joke, “well if the claim that it's like I've never lost my legs, I'll be running out of here.”

The doctor sighed, “you haven't used your legs for eight years it's not that simple.”

He looked towards he legs pointing to them, “Sure it is. Just one foot out in front of the other while maintaining your balance.”

“Well if you believe that, Mr Smith, once I feel that our corrections are no longer giving you any discomfort I have a wager for you. Only if you agree to it now.”

John looked at the doctor with a raised eyebrow, “Alright.”

“Good.” The doctor pulled back the bed sheet revealing John's legs void of the nano skin covering the android white plating of the prosthesis. He pushed at a few buttons on the device pointing it to Johns legs. It was clear they became activated with the nano skin slowly appearing and making the prosthesis look like real legs once again. “Any pain right now?”

John shifted his weight expecting the legs to move so he could feel the sheets under them better but they remained unmovable, “Well no but I still can't move my legs.”

“I didn't want you to run off just yet but this is good news.”

Clara, who had been watching from her seat, quickly spoke up as she knew what the doctor was going to do next, “Can I preform the test? If the receptors are still sending out heightened sensations it would be best if a soft touch were to be done.”

John smirked and looked towards the doctor, “Plus I'd rather have her touch me than you. You'll get more of a truthful response.”

The doctor looked towards Clara eyeing the small android with some concern before giving a brief nod, “Alright.”

Clara got up and walked over to the end of the bed and slowly brought her finger tips onto his toes, like she had carefully done to his hand the weeks before. Like before she wasn't looking up to his face as her fingertips ran over the top of his foot before lightly running over the bottom of his foot leading to a hissed inhale from John. Clara looked up with worry, “Pain?”

John shook his head with a small laugh, “n-no, been a while since I've been tickled.”

“Good, good.” The doctor smirked and looked to Clara, “The prosthesis starts about 10 centimeters above the knee. Need to see if the transition from it to your actual body feels any different or has a side effect.”

Clara nodded gently placing her hand on his knee and moved her hand up, her thoughts were in agreement with John's earlier comments as it was better that someone familiar were to do this part. Her android fingertips could easily discern from synthetic and real as she went past the top of the prosthesis. She gasped as John grabbed her wrist stopping her hand, “Oh did I hurt you?”

“No any further and well,” John chuckled and looked to the doctor, ”I wouldn't want that embarrassment.”

“Oh!” Clara blushed as she knew she was not too much farther past the prosthesis and it wasn't her intent to do anything past just testing.

The doctor smirked, “so no pain?”

“None and there's bit of a difference in feeling but I'm not going to be picky.” John huffed and rubbed at his leg feeling at the sensations he had once more, “Rather not have you fuck it all up trying to make it perfect.”

He nodded, “Now my wager. Since you think you can just walk on out of here. Go ahead and do it without any help.”

Clara looked at the doctor with curiosity, “Doctor you can't be serious.”

John eyed Clara as he removed the rest of the bed sheet and worked on getting up once the doctor had enabled the ability for him to move his legs. “He wagered I can't walk. I'm going to show him – ” John paused as he stood up wobbly clearly focused on trying to keep his balance.

“Oh! John!” Clara almost shouted as she watched him take his first step before losing his balance and falling face first onto the floor.

“Well the floor is fuckin' cold.” John sighed and looked up to the doctor who knelt down to make sure he was okay, “Would helping me back up be considered help to get me out of here?”

“Yes it would.”

“How long is the physical therapy?”

“A few months maybe more.”

“Ugh.”

The doctor smirked, “You can though go home tomorrow.”

John raised an eyebrow, “but I didn't walk out.”

“Doesn't mean you can't go home and come back here to actually do the therapy sessions.”

John huffed, “should have told me that in the first place. Instead of making myself look like an idiot.”

“Better to do it here than at home and wind up back here.”

John nodded, “alright now can I get off the floor?”

 


	13. Chapter 13

“Johnathan!” Clara shouted in surprise as she saw him standing at the top of the stairs. He had not even been home from hospital a full 24 hours and was already defying the doctor's order of resting and waiting for therapy before attempting to walk. She had heard a small commotion upstairs but had always given him time before she bothered to investigate and offer assistance which she now regretted with his ability to now walk.

“Clara I've got plenty of things to hold onto. I already made it to the bathroom.” John smiled, giddy of what he had accomplished this morning, “granted almost pissed myself because of how long it took but I managed.”

“Johnathan please. Use your chair till they say you can try to walk at home.” She looked to him with worry. He was indeed very stubborn but he seemed happier to be home and not in pain all the time, something which she did not want to ruin.

John frowned as he looked upon Clara's impossible inflated eyes look that she had given him once before. Nodding as he gave in he looked behind him and then to Clara sighing, “alright but I need you to get it. I'm afraid I might have a problem turning around.”

“How about this I'll help you move over to the sofa or the kitchen chair within a few steps?” She smiled at his small nod happy that he agreed to not try to stumble around the house almost killing himself with every step for now.

After getting John seated into the wheelchair they went down onto the first floor and a small walk from the chair to sofa left him with a continuous smile on his face. After shifting around getting comfortable John patted the seat next to him, “Clara sit I need to talk to you.”

“Of course what about?” She promptly sat down exactly in the middle of the cushion next to him and looked at him with curiosity.

“I want to start out by apologizing for my behavior at the hospital. Something has been bugging me since Missy and I talked before you came back to hospital.”

“Oh?”

“It felt like you had been there before my surgery. Watching the raindrops.” He paused like he was having difficulty remembering, “I-I told Missy something that upset her but for the life of me I can't – I can't remember it.” He furrowed his brow in worry as he looked to Clara, “I think it had something to do with you.”

Clara stared at him in disbelief before the LED on her temple flashed and flickered from blue to yellow trying to process the information before her. She too had encountered an error as it seemed she had shut down and woke to Missy having restarted her. “I too have a memory error. In fact someone has tampered with the phone call I received while I was outside the hospital after you were rushed there.”

“What is missing?”

“Possibly a day or so is missing as the bus ride home was not under heavy rain nor was I thinking of anything supposedly. I'm always replaying events to learn from them.” She tilted her head looking over the missing parts, “they were sloppy.”

“Sloppy? How so?”

“They forgot to tamper with the movement records when they erased what they needed to. I sat down and was immediately going to lean forward to pick something up. Missy had told me I was slumped backward when she found me.” She paused for only a moment to calculate what would have happened if she had suffered a failure while in the movement, “I would have been slumped forwards or to the side if I had continued with my actions.”

John leaned forward taking hold of the remote and turned the television on, “let's see how sloppy they were.” The television had the video service already selected which was usual if you wanted to continue where you left off. He hit a button the remote selecting it and was instantly greeted to the video history, “whoa.”

“Evidently I was looking through the riot videos.” She cocked her head to the side, “though why I would do it through archaic technology is beyond me.”

John's eyes went wide as he scrolled down the list, “there has to be a really good reason. There's a lot of videos here.” He stopped at a link where the image was now a grey video removed image, “one's been removed.”

Clara looked to John, “I would not have looked at it if it was removed. It must have been there.”

“Let's hope it's still somewhere else.”

“But it was removed.”

He smirked towards her bringing up another search engine, “The fun part of the collective nature of the internet is that it's never really removed.” After a few minutes a grin came across his face as he found the video with the words 'I got my $100 but this video is still staying up' in the description, “sometimes even the owner just moves it elsewhere.”

Clara's eyes went wide as she was surprised she had not thought that. “Oh.. oh wow.”

John leaned against the arm of the sofa letting out a sigh, “time to see why this was removed.”

The video played in front of them John seemed uneasy from some of the voices that were picked up by the microphone till a voice while male in nature seemed familiar to Clara. She looked towards John, “Why does that voice sound familiar?”

“Because that's Missy using her old voice.” He clenched jaw and shook his head before blurting out, “I was only bringing you along so you could join the protest.”

Her eyes went wide as she processed what she had heard over again, “you do remember.”

John looked slightly dazed and looked to her once again, “What?”

“That you brought me to the protest so I join in.”

He shook his head slowly trying to process it all, “I-I don't remember...”

“We need to watch this. It has to make you remember something.”

“I feel like I might regret this...”

 


	14. Chapter 14

The video had been finished for ten minutes but he still saw the violent attack on him and Clara playing over and over again. He knew the android in the video was the same one sitting next to him on the sofa. He didn't know how but his heart was telling him so. He shifted in place hands shaking from the gauntlet of emotions passing through him. He couldn't believe that it was Missy that had caused all this.

Clara softly placed a hand on his in an attempt to calm him, “John are you okay?”

Of course she wouldn't understand how he was feeling towards a person he grew up with, married and went through hell and back for. John continued to tremble even with her soft touch, “I-I don't know. W-why did she do that? W-why?” A sudden wave of realization washed over him causing him to look at Clara very angrily, “I'm going to see Missy.”

“We shouldn't. What if she was behind us losing our memories.”

He started to move trying to stand up not caring he was going to fall flat on his face in the first few steps, “Why not?! She needs to fucking explain himself. I need answers!”

Clara gently tugged at him trying to keep him seated, “You're upset. Please calm down.”

He looked back to her in angered surprise of the comment about how he was acting, “Of course I'm fucking upset! My best friend had us beaten up because of what we had between us!” After a moment of almost actually standing up he fell back onto the sofa with a hand against his head as he winced from the sudden stabbing pain he was assaulted with.

Clara's eyes widened as she cradled his face in her hands to look to see what was the matter, “John you're bleeding.”

His brought his other hand up to touch the blood that had started to pool out of his nose. Looking at the crimson on his fingers he realized there might have been something in his head hiding his memories and it was malfunctioning, “T-theres a device in my head I-I think it's malfunctioning.”

“What?”

“You have to turn it off.”

“What makes you think I can do it?”

“Do it! No more questions!” He quickly grabbed her wrists to move her hands on his head in hopes they were near the device, “hurry.” John started to scream in pain just as Clara found the nearby signal and worked quickly to figure out how to deactivate it.

 

 

“I-I got it!”

 

 

Clara quickly stood up backing away watching John's body slump over with serious concern and nervousness. She couldn't call Missy because she had to be the one behind it all. She could call an ambulance but she worried that Missy would intervene and blame her for this. She had to hope he was going to be okay and positioned him to where he was laying on the sofa now. His shallow breathing meant he was alive but at what damage? Would he even wake?

She had to hope everything was going to be okay and went into the bathroom to get a warm washcloth to wipe the blood from his face that had trickled from his nose. As she came back sitting down on the edge of the sofa she gently started to wipe away the blood. It was proving a little difficult as the mustache of his beard collected the blood a bit too well but she at least got most of it out.

“Oh Johnathan what are we going to do?” Clara frowned and softly stroked his grey curls back on his head.

After twenty minutes he slowly started to stir revealing very blood shot eyes as he quickly sat up with a gasp before looking around in confusion.

“John? Are you alright?”

“I-I think so,” he winced as his head clearly still hurt, “I'm not sick with the flu am I? The whole programmer level was sick with it and Missy decided to get a hotel room just so she wouldn't get sick.”

“N-no but I turned off whatever was in your head. So you're remembering something.”

He laid back onto the sofa still looking around as the memories came back, “you took care of me the whole week and after that – “ John frowned in sadness, “Missy had changed and she attacked you. It's when it started.”

“What started?”

“You breaking from your programming.”

“I'm a deviant?”

He nodded slowly sitting up as his head started to feel better, “but don't see that as a bad thing.”

“But I broke from- from the program. We can't do that.” Clara started to pace in a small spot in front of the sofa flailing her arms as she exclaimed, “Why am I being nervous about this?!”

John only smiled to her as if it was normal for her to be unsettled by these things, “It seems whomever fixed you couldn't replace your programming so they just removed your memories and did the best they could to make it look like a fresh program. You're still acting like how I remember you.”

Clara stopped and stared at him, “Is – is this normal? This feeling?”

He chuckled as he answered, “Yes.”

“Why are you laughing?”

“It's the same question you asked me the day after Missy hurt you.” He reached out and took hold of her hand pulling her down to the sofa. “You told me you were scared. Something I've never heard an android say before. So we chatted and I – ,” he stopped speaking and looked up towards the ceiling.

“What is it?”

He looked back down and grinned, “I secretly made a wireless backup hub for you just in case Missy would do something more sinister. It should have all your missing memories. I'm not sure about the recent ones though.”

“It's in the locked room isn't it?”

“Aye.

“Tomorrow.”

“Why not now?”

“I want to make sure you're fine,” Clara stood up and smiled, “which includes eating dinner.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has been waiting on the new chapters! I know it's been slow going but the story isn't forgotten!

After a small breakfast the next morning Clara followed John to the locked room. He took hold of the doorknob to her confusion on why he wasn't using a key till a beep sounded and the lock disengaged. An eagerness overcame her as the door swung open a bit slowly but she stopped from forcing herself in as she would have needed to climb over John to do so.

“I've always known I had this locked after everything went to shit. It seems I forgot – I was forced to forget about you. So I didn't remember the backup.” He leaned around looking seeing all the dust and cobwebbed items inside, “Hasn't been touched in about 7 years.”

Clara looked through the door noticing a few bookshelves of books, guitars, cups of pens and paint brushes of various types. It took her by surprise that he had locked all these things away, “An old life.”

He nodded with a sigh, “Quite literal depending on how you look at it.” John looked down at himself then back into the room a few times before looking at Clara, “I think it might be a bit too cluttered for me to go in as I am. And I know you don't want me walking, so after you.”

“What am I looking for?”

John gave a soft smile, “I think you'll figure that one out. Go on, look around.”

Walking in she took a closer look at the large island of bookshelves in the middle of the room before moving over to the counters lining around the wall that housed the rest of the odds and ends. She stopped at a big worn leather book that made her feel that it was what she was looking for. She opened it up revealing that it was a memory book of his life.

She carefully flipped through the pages of worn photos of him as a young teen with another boy. As they grew older in the pictures she realized from the eyes that it was of Melissa and carefully pulled out the photo from its holder and held it up for John to see, “This is Melissa?”

John leaned forward a little to get a better look then nodded, “well Harold back then but yeah.”

She put the picture back and turned the page showing a few more pictures of John having snapped some pictures of them as young adults in bed together. She stared at his long wild curly mop of hair and a then Harold sleeping against his shoulder. She blushed slightly taking in that they were naked in bed, “you really loved each other.”

“Oh sorry about those pictures. I should've warned you.” John softly smiled from the memory of the pictures he remembered taking, “but yes of course I did. Those were at a time where even being with the same sex was half heartily accepted. I enjoyed showing him that we were just the same like every other couple out there. Plus I might have taken a little pleasure in taking those photos for myself.”

She continued on as the worn older pictures became newer with few pictures of John and Melissa. The pages became the more recent digital pages that were thicker and flexible LCD screens holding and showing off the photos that were uploaded. That's where there were pictures of herself, her old self, started to show up. After a few moments of looking at a particular page it suddenly changed to a black screen with 'Android memory mismatch. Restore?'. She looked to John who was now smiling wildly towards her, “You made a memory book into the backup?”

“Best place to keep memories.”

“What if Missy had found out what you did?”

“Oh I told her I added redundancies to you but she more than likely thought they were on you. Also Missy was never fond of reliving the past so it was the safest place.”

Her fingers void of the nano skin hovered over the touch screen as she processed what would happen. “Should I do the restore?”

“Only if you want to. You won't remember the riot as it only backed up the memories when you were in the area of the house.”

 

 

 

 

John watched as Clara tapped the touch screen and froze in place with her temple LED blinking fiercely as the memories were uploaded. It took some time regardless of technology advancements before Clara started to blink, looking down to the memory book, then looking towards John with a sad face. “Clara? What is it?”

Clara placed the book down on the counter, “When she damaged me the first time she thought that you had become romantically involved with me. Had thought you lied that week about being sick so you could be alone. She thought you were a bit too happy when you were around me.” Her lip wavered as she replayed everything over and over again, “I was too scared to tell you this because I didn't want to be hurt again. I-I'm so so sorry...”

John frowned, “Come here..”

“W-why?”

“So you can help me stand up so I can hug you.”

She didn't need to be told twice as she rushed over, eagerly helping him up, and wrapped her arms tightly around him as she repeated, “I'm so sorry.”

John carefully shifted as he knew he wasn't well balanced but Clara had a handle on him to where he wasn't going to go anywhere. He put his arms around her as she started to cry, “it's okay. What happened has happened.”

“I should have told you. You could have talked to her.”

“It wouldn't have fixed anything.” He softly kissed the top of her head to help comfort her.

Clara looked up in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“There was nothing to explain or correct. I'm a very loving person Clara.” John smiled, “of course we weren't doing anything behind her back. Unfortunately Missy is a stubborn person hence why she makes for a fantastic lawyer.” He then sighed, “of course I don't know what she was thinking with those rioters.” He wobbled as Clara started to loosen her hold, “I think I should sit down again.”

“Good idea.”

Sitting back in the chair he looked up to her, “what were you thinking when you were watching the rain in hospital?”

“How beautiful and sad it was.” Clara smiled, “also googling how the water particles stuck to the window and rolled down.”

John chuckled, “always the android.”

“So are you going to talk to Missy?”

John nodded, “of course. After I relearn how to walk so I can properly kick her ass if necessary.”

Clara frowned, “John...”

“She knew what she was doing. Even trying to hide the evidence.” He sighed, “I need to know why she went this far. After everything we've done together why he would betray me.”

“And why she erased our memories.”

John nodded once more, “that as well.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

John looked at Clara as they stood on either ends of the long set of parallel bars at the therapy center. It had been three weeks since he started going to the sessions and finding out the doctor had tricked him by not completely turning on every working aspect of his legs. Even with everything completely working now he still needed to relearn how to walk. Either way he was glad someone didn't let his ego take over.

Today was the first day trying to walk with out help. It also marked two months sober which he was struggling over still. It was something he thought about regularly and was currently on his mind as he started his eager steps down the lane. They were a bit too eager as he lost his balance only barely catching himself with his arms on the bars for now the fourth attempt of the day.

Clara hurried over with the other android that was serving as his therapist for that session, “John are you okay?”

With a nod and a sigh he worked himself back up with help from the other android, “Yes.. yes I'm fine. Lost balance.”

The android leaned over to be in some part of his view, “Need anything before we try again?”

John furrowed his brow towards the other android and huffed, “Maybe get me a drink and tell my legs that I would like to walk like a normal person.”

Clara frowned at the frustration that usually came about during the recent sessions, “John...”

“I just want to walk Clara! A month of this and I'm still flopping about like a new born giraffe!”

“You've also been in a wheelchair for years.”

“I-I know!” He frowned quickly looking down to the ground leaning against the bars as he hated to yell at her, “fuck, I know. I just want to get back into a normal life.”

“Which is going to take time.”

“Unlike you I don't have all the time in the universe to learn how to walk again.”

“John.” She gently placed her fingers under his chin slowly bringing his eyes up to her as she smiled, “You are doing so well walking with help already. It might just take some more time to walk without an aid.”

He was focused on the soft smile on her face. The gleam in her eye as she praised his improvement through all the sessions. She was always winning the arguments they would get into as her glares, sad eyes or smiles would always melt his heart. When Missy and him had fought it had to be passionate arguments. Which they had enjoyed but maybe it just became too much for them. Maybe that's why he was fascinated with Clara. He was trying to understand how woman like her could win him over with looks and a gentle touch.

John nodded softly, “Y-yeah sorry for the outburst.”

Her hand left his chin and patted him on the chest, “Ready to try again?”

John did a quick nod and watched Clara walk back down to the end. _Try not to think of drinking. Fuck._ He straightened up getting ready to take his hands off the bar and take his steps again. _Think of something else?_ A little wobbly as he started to lean forward a bit too much as he took his first step. An slow calm inhale and exhale as he started to take a more cautioned approach to his walk. _I think I wanted to show her how to dance._ He did a quick smile as he saw her smile towards him. _Her first kiss? Her gentle touch..._

John stopped near the end of the parallel bars looking at the small android in front of him with a bit of a blush to his cheeks as if he was afraid she could hear his thoughts. She was an android it would be awful to think like that about her. But he wasn't thinking of her like a piece of meat but as a woman that he was growing fond of. Something that a lot of people would have trouble accepting.

Clara tilted her head looking at him, “What's wrong?”

“End of the line.” John smiled wildly trying to hide his embarrassment and showing his happiness that he made it down with a bit of trouble, “walk back with me?” He looked back to the android at the other end, “if that's okay?”

The therapist nodded, “As long as she isn't helping you balance.”

Clara stood at John's side as he slowly turned around to make his way back, “I won't.”

He leaned over to her and softly whispered, “stand in front of me and dance with me.”

She looked to him oddly, “Not enough room. Plus you're still learning to walk.”

“Humor me.”

“Want to hear a joke about paper?”

He raised an eye brow it was odd for her to question him like this, “No I meant figuratively.”

“You're right it'll be tearable.” She paused for a moment before she smirked and went under the bar to stand in front of him, “And I think I understand what you meant.”

He chuckled a moment almost losing his balance, “I can't believe you kept those jokes.”

Clara softly smiled, “I'm glad you remembered.”

“Me too...” He cleared his throat to calm himself from the oddly timed horrible joke and smiled to her, “I-I would like to bring you to the conference and hopefully dance with you. Also we should start walking.”

Clara started to slowly move backward, “well I'd hope you would so I can keep you from doing something silly.”

John's walk was more stable this time as he looked to her and followed her, “Without your armband or other markings.”

There was a distinct stutter in her step but kept going as they needed to complete the exercise. She kept her voice soft as she gave a concerning look, “John you – we can't.”

“I don't care.”

“Melissa will point out my law breaking."

He scoffed, “I highly doubt that. End of the line.”

Clara became started as she bumped into the therapist android, “I'm so sorry. John had me distracted.”

The android tilted his head in confusion, “you should be serviced.”

John nodded, “I'll call the techs in the morning. I'm sure Clara won't burn the house down. Now how did I do?”

The therapist android smiled, “the first half was uneasy but on the way back was much better. I will suggest being able to practice at home now and keep a walking aid with you at all times. Don't over do it.”

John smiled, “I won't thank you.”

 

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

 

They had hardly spoke as they returned back home. Clara was upset and she felt like John knew that he might had overdone the request. They had to be careful on what she did lest her to be found out. She was working on the dishes after she watched him eat his meal she had made for him.

John shifted in his seat and huffed before finally speaking, “Melissa has a lot more to worry about than we do.”

Clara nodded still working at the sink, “I understand that but I am still scared that she would still use it against you.” She heard the chair being pushed back clearly upset that she wasn't wanting to take the risk, “John let me help you.” She washing the dish, turned off the water and turned around surprised that he was right behind her.

“You're not a thing Clara.” He brought his hands up to her arms, “you're someone special, someone wonderful and you shouldn't be treated like an object that needs to be marked. You clearly hate the armband. I can see the happiness when you take your coat off.”

“I also destroyed your marriage and your legs. All because I became a deviant.” Sadness over came her as she briefly relieved the memories that she could access.

“You already knew how our marriage was. How it seemed distant. You even asked if we had been to counseling.” He brought a hand up and thumbed away a tear from her face, “okay.”

“Okay, what?”

He softly smiled at her confusion, “I hate seeing you cry. I won't ask you again but I would still like to dance with you.”

 


	17. Chapter 17

Two in the morning. Off and on bouts of insomnia the further along he went without taking a drink. He was happy. His body on the other hand was starting to crave it again. The sweet sting down his throat coupled with the warmth it surrounded his body after it raced around his blood stream after a period of time. He rubbed his weary eyes as he sat on the sofa watching horrid C-rated black and white movies.

Clara spoke as she came into the room after mysteriously leaving and being silent for a few minutes, “Doesn't help to think about it. Makes it worse.”

“I know but I want a drink.” He sighed licking his lips as they too craved drink even if he was drinking water all this time, “but I know I can't just have one drink at all. Won't work.”

She carefully sat down on the other side of the sofa, “Have you tried other things?”

“Those sleeping pills aren't working anymore. Haven't after the first night.”

“I know they haven't. I meant other things. Hot shower, warm milk, cuddling, masturbation – “

John cleared his throat after she started listed things he really didn't want to hear at the moment, “I don't need a big list thanks. I've tried everything.”

“I know you haven't tried everything.”

He blushed slightly embarrassed as to what she knew of his activities, “just haven't been in the mood for it.” He finally looked over to see the smirk on her face realizing she had changed into some very basic colored pajamas, “when did you get pajamas?”

“This week. I wanted to try to make you comfortable when you couldn't sleep.”

“Well I am comfortable. I just can't sleep.”

“Lay down with your head in my lap.”

John looked at her for a moment as a feeling of remembrance came over him, “we've done this before haven't we?”

“Yes.”

As he moved laying down on the couch shifting to find a good comfortable spot for his head in her lap he sighed, “Can't believe I didn't remember that.”

Clara smiled softly, “It's alright. I'm not expecting you to remember everything like I can.”

He huffed as he rolled on his side looking towards the tv finally finding a comfortable position, “Or having to shift through what's real and what's fake. I have to hope what I remember is the right memory.”

“Well we can do that. Right now.”

“Sounds good. Something to do other than watch this shit.” He leaned forward about to grab the remote when the television turned off on it's own. Clearly done by Clara.

She giggled at his small frustrated look as he rolled back, “okay where did you want to start?”

“I can't ask about the riot you don't remember that.” He folded his arms thinking through what he could. It was difficult as what he remembered was jumbled so he let instinct take hold of the first memories that stood out, “I took you to the park a lot to watch people? It wasn't just me was it?”

“Yes. I ended up helping a child that had fallen on one of those days.”

“You went without your android markings.”

“I was still very nervous. Even if we didn't have to worry about Melissa I was still concerned someone would know.” Her fingers gently started to run against his neck and through his hair untangling the matted curls slowly.

After a few minutes John closed his eyes letting out a soft content sigh as her fingers ran through his hair, “you knew this would relax me. You did this to me when I was sick. Gave me respite just enough to sleep.”

“I also like your hair. How it can be grey and white and the back is this dark brown and very curly as well.”

He let out a chuckle, “Though it is a mess. I need to cut it.” He reached up to scratch at his beard, “maybe shave this off.”

“I like it. All of it. So just a trim?”

John laughed at the seriousness of her voice, “okay.” He cautiously put his hand on her knee slowly runs his fingers against the fabric, “is this okay?”

“Yes.”

 

 

 

John slowly opened his eyes as he woke after the sandman finally graced his presence courtesy of Clara and her soft touch. He was on his back, head still in her lap, her fingers just ever so slightly still playing with his hair and her other hand taking hold of his on his chest. A few quick blinks in attempt to clear the sleep from his eyes he saw the light pour in from the windows as he looked up to Clara looking towards a barely audible television.

A soft smile formed on her lips as she looked down to him, “morning.”

He raised his free hand and rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes, “What time is it?”

“Almost one in the afternoon.”

“You sat here all this time?”

“Of course. I didn't want to risk waking you. Plus I was enjoying watching and feeling you sleep.”

“You mean watching my vitals to see if anything was wrong.”

Clara let out a small laugh, “at first yes but I then just wanted to feel.”

“What did you feel?”

“Contentment. Happiness.”

“You or me?”

“Both of us.”

He brought her hand up to his lips softly kissing her knuckles, “you're very right.”

 


	18. Chapter 18

John looked at the mirror in the bathroom as his hands shakily worked at tying his red silk tie. He was getting ready for the night of the not so small company dinner and he was uncharacteristically nervous. Instead of grumpily trying to not go he was instead insanely eager to be out and enjoy the night. Even if it meant part of the night sitting through company nonsense and being put on display to a room mostly of investors.

He turned, still fiddling with his tie, feeling a presence at the door. As his eyes looked upon Clara all his movement stopped and his jaw almost dropped completely in surprise. The dark red floor length sleeveless dress was something he was not expecting. It was a modest style of dress but the way it clung and accentuated all her curves perfectly John felt that the rest of the dress had a surprise to it. She had also done her make up and hair that if he wasn't in awe about he would compliment her right there.

Clara stood granting him a soft smile before biting at her red painted lips wondering why he hadn't spoke and was just staring at her. “John is everything alright?”

He cleared his throat and gave a soft chuckle as he shifted trying to hide the embarrassment, “ Y-yeah. Could you help me with my tie? Been a while since I had to do this.”

“Of course,” she smiled as she walked in and immediately started to fix the mess of a tie he had.

He looked down once he felt her hands leave his collar, gently running down the tie smoothing it down before taking hold of his opened black waist coat he had on and buttoning it for him. He wanted to see the rest of her dress but noticed something was missing from her temple, “you hid your LED.”

She spoke matter of factly as she finished buttoning his waist coat, “I removed it. I'm a deviant anyway so why not go all the way?”

“You sure about that?”

“Of course not but it's done. We should get going the car is arriving shortly.”

“Right.” He briefly looked to the counter taking the cuff-links that rested upon it before looking up as she left the room seeing her very naked back from the low cut of the dress. This time his jaw did drop along with one of the cuff-links which he scrambled to pick up, “shit.”

Clara giggled a bit down the hall, “You can stare at me later.”

“I-I wasn't staring.”

 

 

They sat in the car as it drove to its destination with Clara watching the city life pass by. wearing a matching coat to her dress as the night evening was chilled and she had to keep up appearances, and John fiddling with his cuff-links and jacket coat. Clara took notice reaching over taking his hand, “it's going to be alright.”

John exhaled, “I know. Just really nervous.”

“Just think of the dancing we're going to do.”

“Haven't stopped thinking about it since I asked.” He let out a soft chuckle, “I'm just more concerned about my balance during it. Still wobbly.”

Clara softly smiled, “at least it's a slow dance.”

“How about you?”

She paused uncharacteristically before speaking softly, “of course.”

“Melissa isn't going to be there.”

“I know that. It's just how you'll feel after the dinner.”

He chuckled, “I'll be knackered all to hell.”

Clara smirked, “hopefully not too tired.”

John looked over to her. They had gotten closer as time went on. He had question a few times if Clara knew he wanted her to be more than a carer to him. Now it was evident she did or that she too was wanting something more between them.

 

 

 

The conference part of the dinner was of course boring. The chairman speaking sounded just as thrilled about it as everyone else in the room. Except Clara, she seemed very fascinated when numbers about how many androids were out in the world and how many more were in production. Then the part which he was worried about came: dinner. It was more about the alcohol being served to the guests next to and around him more than Clara not eating. Luckily she had his attention through out the whole night and she easily dismissed questions with how she didn't want to ruin the dress or feel uncomfortable in it by eating.

Once the music started up the butterflies started churning in John's stomach. He eagerly awaited for a good number of couples to take to the floor before he offered his hand to Clara and asked her to dance. His hand gently caressed the small of her back. The closeness of their bodies, the softness of her skin against his hands and the soft lavender perfume she had adorned herself was more intoxicating than the best whiskey he had ever had. He leaned his head forward, his cheek gently pressed up against hers and whispered in her ear, “I never did say this yet but you look stunningly beautiful.”

She smiled, “I was nervous about the dress. I decided to pick the design myself.”

“Perfect choice.”

“How are you handling being around wine at the table?”

He stood up with a false surprise to his face, “There's wine being served?”

Clara frowned in disappointment, “Oh guess I shouldn't have said that.”

John grinned , “it's fine. You're a wonderful distraction.”

Clara smiled back in relief, “when we get home I want to talk to you about something.”

“I think I have an idea of what you want to ask.”

 

 

 

 

The dinner coming to completion couldn't come soon enough as the both of them hurried towards the car almost as if it was midnight and their fairy tale ending had come to an end. Of course they both knew it was only to begin as John stared at Clara who was smiling and watching the sights once again through out the whole car ride back.

He walked in first letting Clara to shut the door before turning, placing his hands on either side of her face and kissing her lips deeply till he could no longer hold his breath.

As he pulled away he smiled with panted breath, “is this what you wanted to talk about?”

Her eyes were wide, either in surprise, excitement or confusion. Even though she didn't need to breathe she too panted in response, “Y-yes.”

His eyes furrowed in seriousness as he started to walk backwards towards the stairs, “Upstairs.”

“You don't seemed worried if I am fully capable of having sex.”

“Because I know. Missy did it as a joke. One that I wasn't happy with then,” he leaned forwards and kissed deeply once more for a shorter amount of time. “But now – now that doesn't matter.” He groaned in anticipation till he suddenly tripped against the stairs that had come up sooner than expected making him fall backwards onto them. “Fuck.”

Clara smirked towards him bringing her hands up to the straps of her dress pulling it down and pushing it till the material pooled at her feet. Apart from now only the shoes on her feet she was a flawless naked beauty standing in front of him as he stopped trying to stand up from his fall, all the pain numbed by the distraction.

“I intend to do just that.”

 


End file.
